I’m sitting aboard Willow, feet up, computer on my lap, cannula prongs making my nose itch, and I wonder what to write. With this blogging stuff, sometimes it’s difficult to figure out. You may become inspired, but in my case, it’s usually at the wrong time when I’m doing something else, and then I forget the inspiring theme. I look to my friends’ blogs, usually voyaging themed, and find I lose myself for hours imagining the places they’ve been and things and people they’ve seen. I’d counter with a similar type entry, detailing my latest passage, repair, or cat-wrangling story. No more passage-making or repairs, and the cats are enjoying the leisure life at Mom’s.
The last week or two have been very difficult for me. I really thought about not writing about it, but then I figured, what the hell? I’ve read about so and so’s courageous battle or graceful journey against or through cancer. I absolutely cannot speak for anyone else, but I see nothing courageous or graceful about it. Cancer absolutely sucks. I am scared spitless (insert sound alike word here) of what the future holds. I have had so much trouble breathing, and it wasn’t really bad, that when it does get bad, what is THAT gonna be like? I have termed it the ‘drowning fish’ and I want no part of it. The body part affected most right now are my lungs, which I use only about 5-6 thousand times a day. Now that use is very conscious to me. When it’s a bad breathing day, I am aware of the effort for every single breath. Put a cold on top of that, and it’s downright exhausting. Last week, I caught a cold, and was laid flat. Tired, with nothing else on the list but taking the next rattling breath, I found myself in quite a rut. Family and friends reached out, but I just couldn’t grab their hands. Fully aware that I need to take those hands, I continued denying their reach.
Friday, I finally went out and met with Mom. She needed some cooking items, so we went out looking for them. It was good to be out and about. Saturday, Missy and Andrew had me up for dinner. After a great meal, it was good visiting and talking with them. They both came down to Willow Sunday morning to help with some chores. That afternoon, Sally drove down from Ventura to visit, and it was GOOD. We spent the afternoon at Aliso Creek Beach, sitting in the sun, enjoying a shaved ice, and walking slowly on the beach and walkway. It was so good for me to get out amongst the living; watching small toddlers chasing seagulls and pigeons, listening to the screams as swimmers jumped in the very short, steep, and cold waves, seeing whales blow offshore and watching boats and paddlers make their way along the coast. Life goes on, and always will. My little stay here is just a tiny blip, but what a stay it’s been!
I’m getting out of the rut with help and moving on to whatever’s next. This morning I woke up to a bright and shiny new day, and it’s good. I can’t deny it, and frankly don’t want to. I’ll go out and do something, anything, to take advantage of the day. I’ll put off the drowning fish to another time, and be grateful for what I’m doing now. I think for me, at this exact point, today is what matters right now. Think I’ll grab it.
Never forget how much I love you all.
It seems that wherever you go the whales seem to follow. It was the Oceanside 9-man race in 2014 and you were change-coaching our coed team. During one of my boat rests you casually said, “Boy, what a nice day especially when those whales keep breaching off our starboard side”. When I casually looked, holy shit, there were two very large whales breaching like crazy close by. I was anything but casual. It was so incredible.
Anyway, you continue to attract so many including the largest mammals of the ocean. Thank you!
W, that would be the 2013 Oceanside race in my earlier reply. Things sometimes seem to run together, by-crackie?!
Powerful words, makes me ponder the reality that we all really only have present time. That said, I still look to the future and would love to come share some time with you if you could use a friend to hang at the beach, help with boat maintenance, or just tell stories and lies. Big hug to you.
You are an inspiration to me! Enjoy the sun on your face today. I often think of the times you shared your love of the sea and of life with us in and around La Paz. One of my favorite pictures is the great morning sunrise going to La Paz with Willow behind us.
Your strength and fortitude are amazing. We love you and love to follow your adventures. Just think of this as a new adventure that you have undertaken. Hang in there sweet lady.
I’m sending you positive vibes from me and all of your friends in sunny La Paz. MDLP is buzzing with all the new Ha Ha arrivals. We have a mild Norther blowing today, but it’s warm and clear. Close your eyes and join us down here. I hope you have a wonderful day.
Bill, SV Odyssey
I have to say it again………you still are and always will be my hero…..well……..only second to Frank………I’m sure he’s watching over you …..maybe from the afterbirth…..hehehehehe..
Hi Wendy! You are one heck of a human being, facing each day as it arises, taking it one step at a time. I am with you in spirit, thinking of you each day and keeping you in my prayers. May he/she keep you safe and warm and hold you close.
Even while you are in this journey you are in, you continue to encourage me with your loving spirit and heart that shines in all your words, about your struggles, and your joys. THANK YOU for sharing these feelings with us, we are blessed with your blog. We continue to pray FOR and with you. . STAY KICKEN ASS my friend.
With love, Greg and Lisa
Wendy, how do you do it? Remain so positive in the face of adversity. You are an inspiration to all.! Words escape me when I try to describe your strength and courage. i will never forget get your smiling face while working in the worst of conditions on the LAFD. i will always remember our brief visit in La Paz and your love of the sea. I will be home soon and will come to see you. Su amigo por vida, Bruce
Well, well, well … I just came out here to do a little bloggin’ myself and here you are. Nice to read your words my friend. You see all those amazing responses? You did that! You are loved from near and far. We are all so blessed by you! xoxo
What they all said……Couldn’t agree more or have expressed it any more eloquently. You are so loved…..time to bask!
Our paths haven’t crossed in years (probably 20+ years – and you likely don’t remember me…) but YOU are not so forgettable. A smart, pretty – so positive and upbeat young Paramedic at 10’s…and so well liked by all around you. In my 37 years on the job everyone seemed to know you and always had nice things to say about you. So, I thought I’d quickly throw in my two cents and ramble here for a minute…
After you’ve “slain this cancer dragon” (and I know you will -it’s how you roll) you should consider becoming a writer. When I was reading your blog I felt as though I were on the boat there with you and could feel the cold, wet air on my face and the boat bobbing, creaking and battling against the seas. You have a writing style that puts the reader right there with you. I felt as though I were reading a Nicholas Sparks novel…!
As anyone can see from the replies you are receiving you have touched many people (and some pretty great ones – I recognised the names of some people I haven’t seen in years but they are still as wonderful as the last time I saw them… ya gotta love our “fire family”) and you clearly have a fantastic support group that loves and cares for you very much. If you want to know who to thank for all that, look in the mirror…you are an inspiration to us all.
Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Best wishes to you for a speedy recovery…
We think of you often, Wendy….sending you much love.
May you always have the warm sun on your face and a gentle breeze at your back. Not very original but I have always thought it applies to my day. Your buddy Mike in Florida.
Wendy, we’ve tried to follow you on your adventures and remember our fun times in Avalon; we are amazed at your strength, but not surprised. We are all pulling for you,
Wendy, you never stop amazing me. I find strength in your spirit and have so loved following your adventures. Keep up the fight and know that so many people are thinking of you. And happy Nov 21st! Love to you.
Dear Sweet Wendy, you are an amazing human being. I know the stories of “way back when” that Dan has shared. I hear that you are close in proximity …. So if you are up to it, we would love to stop by and see you and meet Willow. Love your stories about her and your adventures with her. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way. XOXO
We are thinking of you everyday Wendy…Love to you from Luanne and Vaughn
We are following you whenever we can. Keep writing whenever you’re inspired to do so. We hold you in our heart and soul. Thank you. Eulalie and Eric